‘Pretty Little Liars’ Recap:

But was it really Wilden’s killer? Probably not. The cops on this show are terrible at everything.

Fresh off her arrest at the sorority house, Hanna (Ashley Benson) was forced to stay home from school on the July 16 episode of Pretty Little Liars – which wasn’t as sweet as deal as it sounds, considering her parents were at each other’s throats about Wilden all day. Ashley (Laura Leighton) swore she didn’t shoot him, but Papa Marin wasn’t so convinced. And as it turned out, neither were the police!

Detective Tanner, who I can’t not think of as Liz from Nip/Tuck, came by the house at the end of the episode to take Ashley away in handcuffs. Hanna cried, her dad freaked out and Caleb (Tyler Blackburn) — well, Caleb didn’t do anything because Hanna’s parents wouldn’t let him anywhere near the house.

Seriously, don’t they know Caleb’s hair has magical healing properties? He can fix any crisis with a single flick of his luscious locks!

Aria’s ‘Slut’ Drama

Meanwhile, one of Mike “Roid Rage” Montgomery’s lacrosse buddies asked Aria (Lucy Hale) for help with his English paper — which makes sense, as it’s a scientific fact that 8 out of 10 lacrosse players are illiterate — but like always, this kiddo has more on his agenda than he let on. He told all his locker-room buddies that he and Aria hooked up, instantly turning her into Rosewood High School’s resident slut.

Worse still, Mike’s friend totally called her out for sleeping with Ezra (Ian Harding)! Is that public knowledge? Does everyone on this show also watch the show? That’s too meta for me.

Anyway, Ezra gave Aria a big ironic speech about not letting rumors get to her — I say ironic, considering it was all true – and she felt a little better, but it was Mike’s pep talk that really assured her everything is going to be OK. Too bad, as we all know, it’s not.

Ravensweird

Just outside of town, Toby (Keegan Allen) and Spencer (Troian Bellisario) took a road trip to track down Carla Grunwald, that creepy house mother from last week’s sorority. Their journey took them to Ravenswood, where, as my fellow PLL-er Jarett Wieselman so astutely pointed out, “everything is seen through an Instragram filter.”

Lady G turned out to be no help, but Spencer did stumble on a familiar face in town that sent shivers up and down her J-Crew sweater: Shana! What the heck was Shana doing in Ravenswood? And why was she getting into Jenna’s car? I could spend all night trying to process the logic behind it all, but then I remembered Jenna used to be blind. So who really needs logic, anyway?

Other Weirdness

1. Emily (Shay Mitchell) was also called in to see Detective Tanner, after a mysterious DVD showed up her desk, featuring a girl who looks like Emily holding up a “guilty” sign. Emily was also accused of dropping the DVD off herself, which makes total sense. I mean, don’t people usually frame themselves like that?

2. The guy who made up rumors about Aria got his car beat in at the end of the episode — but by who? I know we’re supposed to think Mike did it, but could it have been Ezra? The guy was at the coffee shop when it happened! Think about it…